Back to the hospital I go...

I should update my last post and add this as #6: Anything is possible after giving birth. 


I was told that you cannot get your menstrual cycle while breast feeding (or that it is extremely uncommon). Normal woman start to get their menstrual cycle when they start to ween their baby off of breast feeding. Well, on a Sunday afternoon I started bleeding and having really horrible cramps. I called the nurse at my Doctor's office and told her that I think I got my period. She said and I quote "well, it is possible to get your period while you are breast feeding but it's just really uncommon. If you are still bleeding in 2-3 weeks, call back". I got off the phone and literally said out loud, "I'll be dead by then". I  just chalked it all up to being one of those freaks of nature that everything "uncommon" happens to. (One time in College I contracted a rash that only 1 in a million people can get!!! …true story!!).  Immediately I start taking some medicine to subside the cramps. No matter how much or how often I took the medicine the cramps were almost unbearable. This goes on for 9 days. I was starting to get worried because before having Croix I would only have my period for 4 days…max! I know that "everything changes" once you have a baby, so I thought maybe it was going to be like this each month from here on out.

So, on the 9th day I had a friend over visiting with Croix. I was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden I felt this gush down below. It honestly felt like my water broke. Only…I'm not pregnant and I knew this was not good. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. And to my surprise--- BLOOD, EVERY WHERE. So much that it soaked my pad, went through my workout pants (no I'm not working out), and went through my robe! Holy cow. I got extremely scared and called John immediately. He told me that he would leave work and come home. It was about 4:50 PM at this point. Blood was everywhere. I could not stop it from coming. I had to change my clothes and walk out to let my friend know what was going on. I asked her if she could watch the baby while I figured out what to do. Meanwhile, I am bleeding uncontrollably everywhere. My bathroom looked like a murder scene. I kept thinking to myself- "I'm going to pass out…I'm loosing too much blood". Thank goodness my friend was here to watch the baby. I got in the shower because I didn't know what else to do. It was coming out, and coming out fast. I stayed in there for about 10 minutes. After a huge blood clot came out I knew I had to call the nurse. Only one problem- it was after 5:00!!

I called the emergency line. I told the call center that I was not pregnant but needed someone to call me back ASAP. Within a minute the on-call nurse returned my call. She told me to rush to the hospital. The golden rule for loosing too much blood is "if you fill a pad in an hour then you need to go in". Well, I was saturating a pad in less that 1 minute. I started to panic, a little.

My friend suggested that I feed the baby to contract my uterus. She said that may help. We agreed that she should leave while I feed the baby. I sat on the floor with a towel just in case I passed out. John came in minutes later.

I changed again and gathered extra clothes, towels, and frozen breast milk just in case John wasn't able to come into a room with me.

We rushed to the hospital. I wasn't too, too scared at this point. Just worried that I was going to pass out from loosing all the blood.

We arrived to the hospital. They wheeled me into the waiting room. I was so upset because we had Croix with us and I kept thinking he was going to get whatever these people have in the waiting room!! Hospitals are so gross. I didn't even want his car seat on the floor. Croix started crying because he was hungry. A lady asked me if I wanted to go into a private room to feed him. I said yes and was thankful that she offered. She wheeled me to a room. I was embarrassed to get up because I knew I made a mess in the seat. She looked at me and said "it's ok, you can get up. I will have someone come and clean that". I went into the room, fed Croix, made another mess on the couch and then another nurse came in.

She told me that she "thinks" I will need to have a D&C. And then my anxiety level went through the roof.

I was wheeled into a room. The ER doctor told me to go into the bathroom and change into a gown. I told him that I didn't think that was a good idea because I was just going to make a huge mess. He insisted. I came out of the bathroom, embarrassed as ever,  and sat down on the bed. Once again, I left that bathroom looking like a murder scene.

The ER doctor began to examine me. He looked at me for about 5 seconds and started calling everyone  into the room and I heard things like: "treat her for shock" and "prep her for emergency surgery". OOOOKKK. My heart was going about a mile a minute. Everything was happening so fast. I needed to talk to John to tell him how to feed the baby and who to call if he needs help. No one would give me a minute to do that. I was worrying like crazy that he was going to have a hard time with Croix while I was in surgery. It a was a horrible feeling. I didn't want him to have to figure everything out on his own and not have me around to ask for help.  I then started to ask what all a D&C entailed and basically the nurse said "they will put you under and clean everything out". I stopped listening after "put you under". I have never been put under before and damn sure don't want to start when I have a brand new and nursing baby boy. I started crying sobbing. Everyone kept saying "you gave birth, this is nothing compared to that, this is such a minor surgery". UM HELLO NURSES---I DIDN'T LIKE THE BIRTHING PROCESS, THANK YOU!!

Long story short: I didn't need surgery, THANK THE LORD ABOVE (he must have known that I wouldn't be able to handle that). My doctor, Dr. L, was called into the hospital and he decided he wanted do an "old fashioned D&C". And let me explain what this consists of….he propped me open with what I refer to as the "jaws of pain". You know, the clamps they use at your annual check up?…Those. And then he proceeds to dig and I mean DIG inside of me with tiny forceps. This was extremelyyyy painful. I was screaming and asking the doctor when he was going to be finished and he was ignoring me!! Then finally, I yelled "DR. L- WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE FINISHED? I CANNOT HANDLE THIS!!". And he kindly responded "In a moment". However, the entire time I was thinking…it could be worse. I could be having surgery. So I was just breathing through the pain.

Now for the gross part---ya, I haven't even got to the gross part yet. Guess what was causing all that bleeding?? A. PIECE. OF. PLACENTA. Yes, you read that correct. Placenta. Apparently the doctor who delivered Croix didn't get out the entire placenta.

Blood clots and blood kept gushing out (not even kidding about the gushing part) even after he removed the piece of placenta and my hemoglobin levels were dropping. So, Dr. L decided it would be best if I stayed the night. They monitored me over night, coming in every hour to check on me. My hemoglobin levels dropped again over night but Dr. L let me go home in the morning. Thank goodness because staying the night in a hospital with a baby and your husband is not ideal (especially when you go in as an emergency because you have absolutely nothing!!).

Remember, I'm just keeping it real for ya! ;)

Anyways, I am better now and the medicine I was prescribed has stopped the bleeding. Whew. That was a doozy.

Your dose of cuteness:

I love this boy so much, it's just unreal. 

The Sh*t your friends don't tell you about birth…But I'm keepin' it real!

Hope you all enjoyed reading Croix's birth story …but it's not all Glitz and Glamour! 

Well. Let me first start off by saying that giving birth was nothing that I was expecting. NOTHING. No one prepared me enough for what I went through..during or after. I love my son with every single ounce of me and would do it all over again in a heartbeat for him. ...But, here's the truth.

The top _5_ TRUTHFUL things you need to about giving birth:

1. Epidural. First and foremost: The Epidural DOES NOT hurt. I repeat DOES NOT. I am a pansy when it comes to needles. I am 28 years old and I still cry when I get poked with a needle. The Epidural was a cinch. All you feel is a little bit of pressure…not the sting from a normal shot. You have nothing to fear with the Epidural. Trust me. (Oh and please don't be 'THAT GIRL' that tries to go "all natural" but then ends up getting the Edpidural. If you are not a Saint or a freak of nature…get the damn thing. Don't kid yourself. Why go through all of that pain if it's not necessary?

2. Contractions. Contractions are a DOOZY. They are not "period like cramps" like all my friends told me. Honestly, I can't even compare this feeling to anything else on earth because it is so unreal…so unbearable. God bless you if you are the woman who gave birth without any pain medication. I'd love to hug you and then high five you or possible take you out to dinner to celebrate. When you start to feel your first contraction (and trust me---you'll feel it!!!)  call your Doctor, lie to them, and tell them that they are coming 1 minute apart so that you can get your butt to the hospital for the pain meds!! WARNING- having contractions was the most excruciating pain I have EVER went through.

3. Stitches. Bless your heart if you have to get any stitches. I had to. The healing period is ridiculous, uncomfortable, and almost unbearable at times. Stitches are never fun and DEFINITELY not fun when they are down below (just imagine that, would ya?) What an awful place to have stitches. For almost two weeks you repeat this process in the bathroom: Pee, squirt yourself with a water bottle, go through half a roll of TP to wipe away junk that is flowing out, change pad, spray vagina with numbing/itching spray, fill pad with witch hazel (ice pack), and then repeat about 12 times a day (no lie---just keepin' it real for you). The little "squirt bottle" is heaven sent. It will become your best friend. You will know what I'm talking about when the time comes.

4. The week after birth: I can't even explain this on a level that you will understand. If you have to get stitches- Lord help you during the first week. You know the people who walk out of the hospital just like they did when they walked in?…. yep, that doesn't happen. They are faking it. You are sore and by sore, I mean in SERIOUS pain. The ride home in the car….yeah, not a pleasant one.  Pray you don't have to go over any speed bumps. You get to walk around like an old lady with your back hunched over because that seems to relive the pain just a bit. You have to have your husband help you off the couch, get out of the car, and get into and out of bed... especially if you have the baby in your hands. As the days go on the pain get less and less. Your stomach is mushy. You look in the mirror every second you possibly can to check to see if it's going down (and it does- slowly). Make sure you buy 85 boxes of pads, if you don't…you'll be sorry. Your stretch marks are FULL BLOWN VISIBLE. No more belly blocking the view of those bad boys. However, when you hold that tiny little human being in your arms all of this the pain goes away because you are reminded of why you feel this way. It's whole heartedly worth every ounce of pain that you are feeling.  …but you are DEFINITELY feeling it!!!!

5. It's extremely hard to hold your bladder when you laugh & sneeze. Please don't tell anyone but I have peed puddles on the floor 3 times since I've had the baby. Once when we were in the hospital. John was changing Croix and he peed all OVER John.  I laughed so hard and could not stop the flow. It was embarrassing explaining that to the nurse.  Once when we put Croix in his Halloween outfit. John and I laughed so hard. Croix was so confused and his face was priceless. And Once when my Mom and I were trying to put a beanie on Croix's head. When you do anything out of the ordinary to this little guy he makes the funniest faces!!! So funny, that you pee yourself. Oh and the sneezing thing- I googled that and it's completely normal to have a little bit of pee come out in your panties. HAHA.


And here is something for your viewing pleasure:

Aimee Junnila Photography.

You just died at that cuteness, didn't you??

Thank you all for staying up with my blog. I'm not doing it as much as I would like. It's hard to break away from my precious baby boy! Look at that face!! I love spending every waking second with him. Up next, a WHOLE LOTTA photos of baby Croix. Including his cute Halloween outfit and Newborn Photos. God, I love him so much. How did I live without him?

Love,
Cas

Croix's birth story.

{This is extremely long. I did it that way so that I can look back on it one day and relive every detail}.

It was Thursday September 26, 2013...Croix's due date. I woke up at 4:30 AM because I was so anxious to get my day started. My Dad and Lois were in town and John and I were off from work. We met them for lunch at Chimentos then Lois and I went to get manicures. The day seemed to be dragging on forever. We were all anxiously waiting for 8:00 PM. When 6:00 PM hit, John and I really started to get nervous. Things were getting real. I had to call the hospital at 6:30 PM to make sure they were going to have room for me to come in that night. I called at 6:30 PM and got a "eat something light and head on in" from the nurse that answered the phone. I hung up and screamed- literally. My Dad and Lois were here with us at the house and they helped us to pack up the car. We had one suitcase, a toiletry bag, and a Boppy. John and I rode together to the hospital while my Dad and Lois followed behind. We barley spoke in the car. I mean, the nerves and butterflies were going a mile a minute. When we did speak it went a little something like this "OMG can you believe we are headed to go have our BABY?!?!?" We stopped at Panera for my "light dinner". We then arrived at the hospital around 7:50 PM. We went to the 4th floor and picked up the phone to have them buzz us in.

(About to check in for our induction at Celebration Hospital)

The charge nurse came out and told us that while we were on our way in they received a lot of patients that went into labor. She apologized and said "I should send you home but since you live 45 minutes away and if you don't mind waiting a bit then you can stay". Of course we agreed to stay- we were determined to have this baby. After filling out LOTS of paperwork they finally took us back about 9:45 PM. And then the fun started.

I was checked into the Labor and Delivery room. We had a sweet young nurse by the name of Doreen. Doctor Edwards was on call (the Doc that I really don't care for...but knew he was going to be on call for the night and that I had no chance of having the baby that night so it didn't matter). Immediately after getting my gown on he came in to do the dreaded "check". I was exactly the same: not dilating but 50% effaced. Wonderful.

Doreen asked me if I had a birth plan and my exact response was "Yes. Epidural at the first feeling of pain". She laughed....I was dead serious.

At 11:08 PM they decided to start the induction. Doctor Edwards ordered a pill called "Miso". This is a pill that gets placed underneath the cervix. It's primary job is to soften the cervix. The goal is to be 100% effaced (or softened). I was at 50% so the doctor told me that it would probably take 3 rounds of this pill to get to the 100% and that each pill could only be given every 4 hours. So basically, the nurses told us that this was going to be a long night and that we shouldn't expect to have this baby until later in the afternoon on Friday 9/27/13. I told my Dad and Lois to go ahead and head home to get some sleep since the nurses said nothing exiting was going to happen that night and they were going to arrive super early the following morning. Doreen told me that this pill would cause "period like cramps". I'm not sure what type of period cramps she gets, but I was in some serious pain with this pill. Although the nurses told me that I could have the epidural at any time, I wasn't dilating yet so I wanted to hold off.

3:00 AM rolls around and Doctor Edwards decides to give another "check" to see if the Miso is helping me progress any. Good news: I was dilated 1-2 CM's and my cervix had thinned out a little more. The Miso was working.

John and I tried to get some shut eye, which was extremely difficult to do in a hospital. John was sleeping on a very uncomfortable couch and I was falling in and out of sleep...which really means: waking up every 4 minutes to get through these "period like cramps". At 3:30 AM there was a light knock on the door. It's was my Mom. She tip toes in and says "I couldn't sleep so I just went ahead and left the house". It was really cute. I was so happy that she was there. Sometimes you just need your Mom.

At 4:00 AM my cramps were hitting an ALL TIME HIGH. WOW. I told Doreen that I was extremely uncomfortable and she suggested getting pain medication through my IV rather than the Epidural at that point in time. I agreed. Boy, did that medicine make me feel great! My eyes automatically felt heavy and I was feeling like I was floating on clouds. I loved it and can see how people get addicted to pain medication!! :) Honestly.

Around 5:20 AM Doreen actually "checked" me herself. She was shocked. I was 100% effaced and didn't need the 2 other Miso pills that they thought I would originally need. Then things got real, and got real fast....   At that point they gave me Pitocin...the medicine that causes you to dilate and brings on contractions.

Within minutes (but felt like seconds) I had full on contractions. When I say "FULL ON" I mean it. I don't want to ever feel contractions again. In fact, having contractions was worse than any part of giving birth that I went through. I would rather someone give me 25 Epidural shots in my back than to go through contractions again. I can't even explain them on a level that you would understand (if you have never felt one before). I don't know how women sit at home with contractions and wait to go into the hospital. I honestly felt like shooting myself in the leg would be less painful. The strangest part is that I could feel them coming on. My body would tense up and then BAM: an unbearable pain for about 10-20 seconds. An UNGODLY amount of time to endure that much pain. And they were coming about every 3-4 minutes. My poor Mom and husband were just sitting there staring at me as I was clinching onto the hospital bed rail with my death grip, moaning like a dying woman. I endured my horrific contractions until about 6:00 AM (40 minutes) before I BEGGED and I mean BEGGED Doreen to give me the Epidural.  I told her that "I feel like I am dying. I don't want to wait another second". She said she would notify the nurse and that she would be in "shortly". WELL, shortly turned into about another hour. Apparently there was an "emergency" that she had to tend to. HELLO- There's an emergency in my room- I'M DYING!!! Remember, I am in agony at this point.  (By the way, the pain medication that I had put in my IV was lonnnng gone at this point). In the mean time, my water breaks at 6:15 AM. I said to my Mom and John "Um, I either just peed myself or my water broke".  It was the strangest feeling. Gushing water coming from you and you can't control it. It was more than I imagined it would be. Gross.

Around 7:00 AM my angel came into the room. The lady with the good stuff: The Epidural. Doreen checked me right before I received the needle and I was 6 CM's. HOLY CRAP. Things were progressing and progressing at a rapid rate. John was nervous that everyone was going to miss the birth. People weren't expecting us to have the baby until later that day in the afternoon. He started texting people and told them that they better act fast and get themselves to the hospital ASAP.

Now, let's talk about the Epidrual. Remember that I am deathly afraid of needles. and I was deathly afraid of the Epidural. It. was. a. piece. of. cake.  I was in so much pain with the contractions that I didn't even know she was finished putting the needle in. When she was done she said "ok, you will start to feel this in about 10 minutes". I looked at her and said "what? you're done? That's it?". She laughed and it wasn't two minutes later that practically my entire body (from my boobs down to my toes) went completely numb. It was a crazy feeling….but a wonderful one. I felt like I was on top of the world. I didn't feel another contraction WHAT-SO-EVER. I told that nurse that I loved her and I laid my happy butt back down on the bed….feeling better than ever.

At this point things are a bit of a blur for me. This is where it got a little scary and crazy. The belt that they put around your belly to monitor the baby's heart rate wasn't picking up Croix's heart rate. At this point we had a shift change and get this…the new nurse's name was Moreen. Funny. Moreen was in my room every 5 minutes checking and adjusting my belt. It was causing an alarm to go off on her computer at her desk. Then, once we did get the belt in place Croix's heart rate was dropping with contractions. It was getting into the low 90's. Extremely scary. Anywhere from 120-160 is normal. She called the head nurse in and Dr. Marcantel. Dr. Marcentel was the on call doctor for Friday (which I knew going in). The Doc decided to put something called a "lead" on Croix's head. It reminded me of a headphone for an iPod. They put it inside of me and directly on his head. This gave them an accurate heart rate and it was much easier to monitor than the belt on my belly (it was still low at this point).

Like I said, things were a blur for me at this point. The next thing I knew our families were in my room.  It was probably around 9:00 AM at that point. Moreen checked me (while my family stepped outside the room) and I was at 9 CM's. I remember going into a little bit of panic mode because I knew we were almost ready to start pushing. She told my family to get out of the room because I needed to "take a nap". A nap? Who takes a nap at 9 CM's? Well, John and I listened to her instructions and took a 20 minute cat nap while our families waited in the waiting room.

Moreen came in about 20 minutes later and woke me up like a drill sergeant and told me that I needed to "practice pushing". I warned her that I didn't know how to push. She asked John to hold one of my legs while she held the other. I pushed a couple of times and she literally dropped my leg and said "ok, we will try later"...like she was pissed or something that I couldn't do it. I warned her, didn't I?

Between 9:20-9:40 AM Dr. Marcentel, Moreen, and the head nurse were in and out of my room. They were extremely concerned with Croix's heart rate. All I can remember is that they were talking amongst themselves and I was trying so hard to focus on their conversations. The Doc suited up and had me push with him. John was holding one leg while Moreen was holding the other. I pushed two times and nothing. I felt like they were annoyed with me. I remember feeling like I was disappointing them.  Moments later the doc said to John and I "Ok, his heart rate it too low. We have to get him out now. You have two options: 1) I can use forceps 2) You will need a c-section. And you need to decide now". HOLD UP!! My heart stopped for a moment. Clearly I didn't want a c-section. But I didn't want to use anything that was going to hurt my baby. I asked the Doc if the forceps were going to harm him in any way and his response was "Not at all. It will hurt you more than it will hurt him". I looked at John who was standing by my side and he looked at me with a scared look on his face. I could tell he was so nervous. I knew he knew more of what was going on than me. I told the Doc "Ok, let's try the forceps".

Moreen gets on her phone and I hear her say "we are going to deliver…" and then she speaks a little softer to the point where I cannot hear what she is saying on the phone. It wasn't seconds later that about 5 more people walk in the door. Most of them stayed behind the curtain and all I can see was their feet at the bottom. One lady stepped out and stood at the incubator. I have John at my shoulders, Moreen on my left leg, the head nurse on my right leg, and the doc down below. I can hear him messing with the forceps. I prayed at this point that John wouldn't pass out.

Around 9:55 AM I started to push. This was the most unreal part of it all. Everyone in the room was cheering me on. "You can do it! Great push! Do that again! Yes, that right there- again!" I was pushing with all of my might. I don't know how I did it but I knew the alternative was a c-section so that must have given me the strength. I only pushed 3 times before his sweet little head popped out. The doctor looked at me and said "Ok, one more push and you will be holding your baby boy!" I pushed as hard as I could and at 10:04 AM Croix William Moon was born.

Since his heart rate was so low they immediately gave him to the nurse next to the incubator. I remember feeling so relived. I was lying on the bed, exhausted, crying. I was crying tears of joy while listening to his cry. I was holding John's hand. John kissed my forehead and said "good job". I cried some more. About 2 minutes later they placed Croix on my chest. I can't even describe that feeling. It's something that you have to experience yourself. My heart was so full and I was instantly in love with him. He was so alert. Him and I starred at each other for a good 15 minutes.

 John was leaning over and kissing the both of us. Aimee came in and took some pictures for us. After 45 minutes of skin to skin time the nurse came back in to weigh him and take his stats. She cleaned him up and let John hold him. I cried even harder. My whole world was right in front of me. I never knew I could feel a love this strong. It was such an emotional time.

Shortly after spending quality time alone, our family came in. It was such a magical time. Everyone was crying tears of joy. They all instantly fell in love with him too. How could you not? He was perfect. All 7 lbs. 03 oz. and 19.5 inches of him.

We stayed in Labor and Delivery for about an hour and a half after giving birth to Croix. Before they moved us to our recovery room they noticed that I had an unusual amount of blood clots in my uterus. This was causing me to loose more blood than normal. The doctor's watched me closely over the next day. On Saturday morning (the day we thought we were going home) the doctor told us that we had to stay an extra day due to all of my blood loss. On Sunday morning at 7:20 AM the doctor came in and told me "You have lost about a quart of blood but we are going to go ahead and let you go home. Just take the medicine I prescribed you and call if you have any concerns". He left the room and John and I gave each other an air-five across the room. We were so excited to get out of there. It's difficult to get any sleep when nurses are coming in and out of your room every hour. Plus, we were ready to get our baby boy home!!

Around noon on Sunday we walked out of the hospital as a family of three. We were on cloud nine.

We strapped our little baby in the car seat and drove away and from that moment on our lives were changed forever.

We are completely obsessed with Croix. He is the perfect baby and the perfect addition to our family. We don't know how we lived before without him. We are extremely grateful to God that he has chosen us to be his parents. We truly are lucky.

Up next: "The Shit your friends don't tell you about birth" post ;)

It's been a while....

Hey guys! Well, clearly I have been slacking on this blog. Taking care of this precious baby boy is taking up most of my time these days. We pretty much have a routine down now and I plan to post Croix's birth story this week. I've already got a head start on it. I also have hospital pictures and newborn pictures to share!! But in the meantime, here is some cuteness to hold you over! You will be hearing from me shortly, I promise! :)

He's perfect and we are completely obsessed with him! 

40 weeks {10 months: DUE DATE}

Close up:

How far along? 40 weeks! TODAY IS OUR DUE DATE. 

Size of baby: Croix is as big as he is going to be and we aren't exactly sure what weight that is at this point. However, we will find out his exact weight and length on Friday when he makes his arrival! 

Total weight gain:  38 pounds is the total weight gain for this entire pregnancy! :) ...and I'm ok with that. Let's pray I can get it off ASAP. 

Maternity clothes? Wearing the same dresses, over and over again. SO LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK INTO MY OLD CLOTHES AGAIN! YIPPY! 

Stretch marks? They are still there ;) 

Sleep: These past couple of days have been decent with sleep. It has taken me a while to fall asleep because I have a thousand things running through my mind! 

Best moment this week: Walking out of work on Tuesday @ 3:45 knowing that I don't have to go back until after the New Year!! WOO HOO! 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope

Gender:  Baby boy, Croix...who we get to meet on Friday if everything goes according to plan! 

Belly Button in or out? I'm going to go ahead and say that at this point she is a halfsie (half in and half out). My belly is officially stretched to the MAX. I'm surprised I can still fit food in there.  

Wedding rings on or off?  Bands AND ring are now off. 

Miss Anything?  I already miss this belly :( 

Food cravings: CANDY. I have eaten so much candy this week. Wow. 

Labor Signs: Lower cramps but nothing consistent. Pretty sure this baby boy is NOT coming on his own. He is very comfy in here! :)

Symptoms: Swollen BODY. Feet, face, hands, legs, belly, etc. 

Happy or moody? AHHHH!!!!!! Do I even need to answer this!?!? OVER. THE. FREAKING. MOON. EXCITED. 

Looking forward to: Holding our sweet baby boy on Friday :) Gosh, I cannot wait for that moment. ...Something I have imagined for so, so long. 

* CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE AT THE DUE DATE OF OUR BABY BOY? WOW. IT'S FINALLY HERE. I'm almost in tears writing this post. What a bitter/sweet post. *

Well folks, today is the day. If this baby doesn't come on his own between now and 8 PM we are going into Celebration Hospital for our induction. They have asked that I call 1 hour in advanced to make sure that they aren't slammed. I am praying that they aren't because I seriously cannot wait one more second to meet Croix. Some people don't agree with getting induced- and that's ok. Everyone has their own opinions. There are pros and cons to every decision you make in life. I personally think that getting induced is the best decision for me, for us. With an induction I can be walked through every little step without being overwhelmed with as much as I would with my water breaking or having contractions on my own. I love the fact that I can walk into the hospital, a normal human being- no pain at all, have someone tell me every little detail/step they are doing to me, and then let things happen with the help of medicine. I like knowing what to expect. It makes me a little more calm about this entire birthing situation. My doc informed me that after I receive pitocin that contractions could start at any point and there really isn't a set time- everyone's body is different. So, we could have this baby in the wee hours of Friday morning....or we could have him late Friday evening. It all depends on how fast my body progresses. I'm still deathly, DEATHLY afraid of giving birth. I have watched videos, read blogs and talked with friends- NOTHING helps with my fear about that. I can only pray that God will give me the strength tomorrow evening to walk into the hospital and do my thing. I pray every night that God blesses our family with a healthy baby boy and a safe delivery for both Croix and myself. Your prayers are greatly appreciated as well :) 

Thank you all for following along each week! It has seriously made this pregnancy go by so fast. Like I said before, I will continue to blog. I just love it so much. Up next: Croix's birth story. You don't want to miss it. 

39 weeks

Close up:

How far along? 39 weeks 

Size of baby: According to "What to Expect" Croix is the size of a Watermelon. Should be somewhere around 7+ lbs. 

Total weight gain:  I forgot to ask the nurse for my total weight gain this week. I believe I gained 3-4 pounds this week. So let's just say total weight gain is somewhere between 35-38 lbs. 

Maternity clothes? Rotating the same cotton dresses. 

Stretch marks? Yep! Got em'

Sleep: I went the past two nights without getting up to go pee! Get I get an hallelujah for uninterrupted sleep! Whoop. 

Best moment this week: Scheduling our induction date! See below for details. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope

Gender:  A Baby boy. Croix William Moon.  

Belly Button in or out? She's an innie still if you can believe that. I swear I have nightmares about waking up in morning and this thing being POPPED out. 7 more days to go. Stay in there little innie. 

Wedding rings on or off?  Bands AND ring are now off. 

Miss Anything? My shoes. I can't wear any of my shoes except one pair of sandals.  They are all too tight because of my swollen feet. 

Food cravings: Sweets. OH WOW! Anything with SUGAR! I may or may not have had 3 snickers bars this past week. That is just down right horrible. Who makes those kind of decisions? ;)  

Labor Signs: Not dilating but I am "40-50%" effaced. That is a good sign. At least Croix is making SOME progress!  I was also having a lot of cramping this past week and something I refer to as "vagina pains"...where I get sharp pains down there. 

Symptoms: Swollen feet and fingers and back aches. 

Happy or moody? Oh my gosh! So SO so SO so SO happy!! :) We seriously cannot WAIT for this baby boy to be here. One more week. Can you believe that? 

Looking forward to: Friday 9/27/13. Our scheduled induction date. 

• So, first things first: MY doctor, Dr. Lemert, is NOT as good at "checking" as the last doc. I swear I wish you all could see me in that room. I'm so embarrassed afterwards by my behavior. I literally YELL the entire time: "oh my gosh. I do NOT like this"....while the doc responds with "well, no one does". Haha. Anyways...I am not dilating YET AGAIN but I am 40-50% effaced. At least we are making some sort of progress here. The doc tells me that at any point I could go into labor and to not be stressed that I am not dilating. 

• Good news: We set an induction date! John and I, along with the doc, decided we would go into the hospital on Thursday, September 26, 2013 in the late evening and if all goes well we will be holding our little bundle of joy on Friday, September 27, 2013. Wow. Just typing that makes me so excited inside. We will have Croix in our arms by next Friday evening. What a magical moment that will be. I can't wait to kiss all over his little face. ....There is still a possibility that I could go into labor naturally by then. We will see. Will I make it to my 40 week picture????? :) 

Scroll down to read a letter to Croix. 

A letter to our baby boy...

Dear Croix,

Wow. When people say "time flies" they sure aren't kidding around. I remember when I first told your Daddy that I was pregnant with you. It was January 18, 2013. It was the happiest day of our lives. We prayed so hard for you. Spending the past nine+ months with you inside of my belly was absolutely magical. Pregnancy was nothing I expected. I didn't think I would end up loving it this much.  Even though you gave me some serious ALL DAY sickness for 49 straight days, I'd say that the past nine+ months of my life have been my favorite so far. My favorite part of carrying you inside of my belly would be to feel you moving around. I love it so much. It's a constant reminder of how lucky we are to have you. Your Daddy and I were just sitting in the kitchen eating dinner talking about how crazy it is for us to wrap our heads around the fact that we are going to be responsible for a human being: YOU. We knew from the start of our relationship that we wanted you. And now, after 39+ longs weeks of waiting, you are finally on your way. You are going to be in our arms in less than seven days. We cannot wait to hold you, squeeze you, kiss you, change your first diaper, give you your first feeding, give you your first bath, introduce you to your fantastic family members, celebrate your first holiday: halloween and snuggle with you! It's crazy how much we love you already and we haven't even met. Your Daddy teases me all the time about how he hopes you are going to get his looks but you will see in time that what he really means is that he hopes you get MY looks because I am cuter than him (and I'm sure you will agree when you see me for the first time). You have so many people looking forward to your arrival. You have two options at this point: 1) You can come on your own between now and 5:00 PM September 26, 2013 or 2) We are going to force you out starting at 5:00 PM on September 26, 2013. We hate to be that way but we are too excited to wait one more second of life without you. We love you so very much and feel so blessed that God chose you to be our little baby boy. 

Love,
Mommy

38 weeks

Close up:

How far along? 38 weeks 

Size of baby: Not exactly sure at this point. If I had to guess I would say between 6-7 lbs. 

Total weight gain:  Hey- I've got some strange news: I lost 3 lbs. this week...can someone tell me how in the heck that happens in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy?! Very odd but the doctor didn't seem too concerned about it. I'm happy about it, I'll tell ya that much....now my total weight gain is 35 lbs! :)  

Maternity clothes? Nothing new. I have 5 cotton dresses (1 of which is maternity) that I rotate daily. I'm really looking forward to getting back into my old clothes again.  

Stretch marks? Oh ya. These babies are growing and 'stretching' right along with this belly. Still pretty low, but definitely bigger than they were before. 

Sleep: Actually not a problem. Isn't that crazy? I thought it was supposed to get worse as the days dwindle down. I get up anywhere between 3:30-4:30 AM to go pee. I waddle myself across this house because I'm still sleeping in the guest bedroom and our guest bathroom is currently being renovated (again). Then I am quickly able to fall back asleep when I return. Getting rest is a great feeling. I love laying on my side. At this point my back and feet are about to break. 

Best moment this week: Going to the baby class. John and I decided it would be a great idea to take a "preparing for your special delivery" class. It was only $50 and the midwife at my doctor's office was the one giving it. It was actually very informational. They talked about everything from when to go into the hospital to how to take care of your baby during the first few days at home. It took my anxiety level from a 10/10  down to a  9.75/10. Hey- any little bit helps. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Negative

Gender:  Sweet baby boy. 

Belly Button in or out? Innie- but I have a little fat roll that sticks out. See previous week for explanation of "fat roll". Oh and my old belly button ring hole (that never closed up) is stretched to the MAX! It's so ugly. 

Wedding rings on or off?  Bands AND ring are now off. 

Miss Anything? My old clothes. 

Food cravings: Sweets and Mexican! 

Labor Signs: Went to the doctor again this week- NOT DILATING! However, I have been having some cramping which the doc says is "mild contractions". They are completely random and not coming at any sort of pattern. I don't think I have been having any Braxton Hicks though. I read that those feel like your stomach is tightening and that isn't happening. I hope I make some progress soon. I don't want to have to force this baby out of me but have a feeling he isn't going to come on his own! 

Symptoms: Back aches and swollen feet. 

Happy or moody? HAPPY. ANXIOUS. NERVOUS.  

Looking forward to: Our labor day. 14 more days. <--- OMG. This pregnancy has flown by!

• So, I have to update you all on my experience of "getting checked" at the doctor's office. Well, this week I had an appointment with a different doctor. He is actually the guy who runs the place- the head honcho. Let me tell you something- I will let him "check" me for the rest of my life. First of all- he had me sitting in an upright position- CHECK! Second of all he did not sit down and get eye level with my ______!- DOUBLE CHECK!. Third of all he did the "check" and I didn't even know he was finished- it was THAT pain free!! . As always- I was clinching and holding my hands over my face. I looked up and noticed that he was taking his gloves off and I said "what? that's it?...did you check me?" He responded with a strange look: "Yes, and you are not dilating and baby is still pretty high up". I am not kidding when I say this was my exact response: "OMG. I DIDN'T EVEN FEEL THAT. WOW. THE PAST TWO TIMES HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE FOR ME. THANK YOU SO MUCH". He just chuckled a little and thanked me for coming in. I think he was a bit taken back because you know I said all of that in my high pitched/excited voice (which is why I typed in caps). 

• Next Wednesday I go back to the doctor. Let's all say a little prayer that MY ACTUAL doctor will be as gentle as the last when I get checked. ...And also say a little prayer that I will be dilating.

• For those of you wondering about what will happen to this blog...I will MOST DEFINITELY continue blogging. I have absolutely loved blogging about our pregnancy journey. Only 2 more "weekly" posts...crazy to think, huh?  I plan on blogging about Croix's birth story- and you KNOW you have got to come back to read that. I'm sure it will be a doozie. Then, when Croix comes I will try my hardest to continue to post weekly about his stats and "firsts". Then eventually, when he gets a little older I will go to only posting monthly. 

• 2 more weeks. OMG. 

Our Maternity Pictures {Aimee Junnila Photography}

We got our pictures taken by our favorite photographer: Aimee Junnila. Seriously- I  absolutely love every photo shoot she does of us. I can't wait to throw Croix into the mix! ....matching him to our outfits and having his cute little self in the pictures. When I think about that I seriously get excited inside. Aimee and I have been talking about his newborn photo shoot for MONTHS now. It's going to be absolutely adorable. Then our first family photo session will be Nov. 3rd for CHRISTMAS PICTURES! Yes, that's right. I already have CHRISTMAS PICTURES booked!!! 

If you think I look like I'm sweating like a pig in these photos...you would be absolutely correct. I don't think I have EVER sweat as much as I did during this photo shoot in my entire life. And to think I was worried about my husband being uncomfortable and WET the entire time. 

However, I am over the moon with how they turned out. I will cherish these photos forever. 

Love this one!

This is one of my absolute favorites.